Week 7 Dying & Spirituality-AKEL

           

DYING & SPIRITUALITY

As we come to the end of our Lifespan Development textbook, we also come to the end of the actual human lifespan development, death. The average life expectancy has been reported to be 78 years. As death has once been a subject that was always avoided, it has been more approachable in recent years. There are four types of death:

1. Clinical Death-when the individual's respiration & heartbeat have stopped
2. Brain Death-when the brain fails to receive sufficient supply of oxygen (takes 8-10 minutes)
3. Biological/Cellular Death-when cells begin to die from lack of oxygen
4. Social Death-when a patient is treated as a corpse, although still "clinically" or "biologically" alive

Grief is an emotional response to the loss of a loved one. Feelings of grief may include anxiety, despair, sadness, and loneliness. Psychologists have determined that the stages of grief are healthy and only natural to encounter. Anticipatory grief is the type of grief that is experienced before the death of a person. Four phases of this kind of grief is as follows:
1.      Depression
2.      Heightened concern for the ill person
3.      A rehearsal of death
4.      An attempt to adjust to what is likely to occur after death

Anticipatory grief comes into play when the death of a loved one is expected to happen, rather than sudden deaths. One has no time to go through these phases with an unexpected death. 

Different cultures and religions in the world have their own way with mourning for the loss of a loved one. Mourning over the dead is allowed in Islam, but there is a difference between what is allowed and what is prohibited. Grief at the death of a beloved person is normal, and weeping for the dead is allowed in Islam. A Muslim is also to mourn for 3 days in which those 3 days are open to friends and family. What is prohibited is to express grief by wailing (mourning in a loud voice), or hitting oneself. 

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is famous for her 5stage-theory describing the emotions that one goes through while dying. The stages are:
1.      Denial
2.      Anger
3.      Bargaining
4.      Depression
5.      Acceptance

Although these stages are for the person that is dealing with their death, I feel like these stages are also used for people that are dealing with a loved one that is/has dying/passed away.

When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, she was first given the option of surgery. Exactly a week after her diagnosis, we were told that it had spread to most of her organs and it wouldn’t be long until it would take her life. At her first appointment, the doctor told her the shocking news and she took it very hard. She didn’t eat, sleep, or enjoy anyone’s presence for a week. At her second appointment, we told the doctor what had happened and asked him to tell her that it was a misdiagnosis. She went home happy. She joined us at the dinner table. She played with her great grandchildren. She enjoyed her last month on earth. Although she was under the impression she was okay, we still had hospice visit her 3 times a week. There were days when she had so much energy she would get off her bed and walk around her home without her cane. And other days when she was miserable and wished she would pass. The pain she was in was unbearable, but morphine drops helped a lot. I am happy I never left her side. Her children and grandchildren worked like clockwork. We made sure she was always comfortable, and not feel an ounce of loneliness. I believe we made the right decision by not telling her the news. It would have taken her quicker than what the doctor expected it would take. Cancer took her life in a matter of a month. Our family was devastated, but we coped with it. We had several ways of coping that made her passing bearable. I’ve always believed that sudden deaths are the most painful versus the ones that are given a time frame. You are spending every minute with that person, and preparing yourself. Her passing was so peaceful and beautiful. I miss her dearly and hope to see her again in heaven.